Drugs and the Things They Say
by quiethearted
Summary: For the Wake The Muse Challenge. Punky 96 wanted an Emily-centric story where she's on Meds following appendicitis surgery. Here's what I came up with.


**For the Wake The Muse Challenge at the DWP community on LJ. The prompt came from Punky_96: Emily. Appendix. Drugs and the things that would come out of her mouth. Not sure this is what she wanted, but here it is.**

**Drugs and the Things They Say**

Andy's eyes shot to her co-worker as Emily gasped and turned away from her desk to double over grasping at her abdomen. Something had been wrong with the irascible Brit all day. This was just the most obvious manifestation.

"Em, you okay?" Andy asked as she rose quickly from her chair and rounded her desk to go to her fellow assistant. She rested a hand on Emily's back in an attempt to comfort her.

"Of course I am," Emily replied her voice muffled in her bent over position. "What are you getting on about? I always try to do my work while twisted like a pretzel. It's just a bit of an upset stomach." She pushed Andy's hand away and stood slowly. "See there. Right as rain." With a muffled groan she stumbled into Andy's arms. "Bloodly hell it hurts."

Andy helped her back into her seat and, grabbing the phone from Emily's desk, punched in 9-1-1. "Just hang on, Em. Help is coming. Yeah, hey. I need an ambulance at the Elias-Clarke building, the Editor's office, _Runway_ magazine. I think my friend has appendicitis. Hurry please." Ending the call, she next dialed the intercompany number for the security desk to fill them in. Turning back to Emily, Andy attempted to soothe her again. "Try to breathe through the pain, Em."

"My appendix is just fine," Emily snapped. "It's nothing a good trip to the loo won't fix. So call back and cancel that ambulance right bleeding now." Her last word was punctuated by a loud groan, and she grabbed at her abdomen once again.

"Humor me," Andy urged. "We'll get you checked out, and then you can lord it over me when I'm wrong and you're right."

Emily sniffed and turned her head just enough to glare at Andy. "You should be more worried about what Miranda will say when she gets back and finds you've turned her office into a circus."

"Yeah, well, there is that," Andy agreed, thankful for the first time since Miranda left two days before for a short getaway with the twins. At least, she'd be back this evening, and Andy would see her the next morning at the office. Why that was important, she gladly pushed away in favor of helping Emily who moaned pitifully. "One disaster at a time, Em. Let's focus on yours right now."

"My disaster," Emily bit out between clenched teeth, "will occur when Miranda returns to find I haven't completed the list of work she left for me. I have no desire to lose my job because you enjoy overreacting."

"Don't worry. I'll take all the blame," Andy tried to reassure her.

"Quite right you will. At least I'll have peace once you're fired," Emily snarled between gasps.

Andy was relieved when Emily finally opened her eyes. She'd been really frightened when the EMTs had rushed her friend out of _Runway_. She'd barely remembered to call for phone coverage and to let Nigel know where they were headed. No way was she leaving Emily to face this alone. As difficult as she could be, Emily was still a friend.

"Shite, I'm in hell," Emily mumbled as her eyes focused on Andy.

"Not quite," Andy said with a grin.

"But much closer than I would have liked," Serena added as she moved to the other side of the bed.

"You had us worried," Nigel chimed in coming to stand at the foot of the bed.

"That appendicitis you didn't have came really close to bursting, Em."

"I suppose you're here to say I told you so," Emily groused. Trying to push herself up in the bed only brought a gasp of pain. "Well, don't just stand there, help. I refuse to lie here like a cadaver on a slab."

Chuckling, Andy activated the switch that slowly raised the head of the bed, stopping when she noticed Emily wince. Releasing the switch, she picked up a long cord that ended in a handgrip with a button at the end. "This is your meds. Just hit the button when you're in pain. It will only let you have so much, so there's no danger of getting too much."

"Right. Give me that." Emily snatched the handgrip from Andy and firmly pushed down on the button with her thumb.

Andy smirked as Emily's expression became relaxed and dreamy. "Guess that's good stuff, huh?"

"Mmmm. Even makes your being here bearable," Emily told her with a smile. "Why are you here? You should being finishing Miranda's list. "

"It's done," Andy assured her.

"It's been hours since you were brought here. Andy's had plenty of time to finish everything," Nigel added.

"Oh, posh," Emily said snorting. "Of course she'd make short work of the list. It's Miranda, she'd take her time with."

"Emily!" Andy could not believe Emily had just said that. She knew her face was flaming and didn't dare look at Serena or Nigel.

"Oh, please! You'd shag her in a second if she'd have your carb-eating arse and you know it. I don't doubt for a second she knows it, too."

"Well, those meds are even better than you thought, Six," Nigel teased.

Ignoring him, Andy kept her focus on Emily.

"Okay, Em. You might want to go easy on that medication. It's making you hallucinate."

"You only wish I was hallucinating," Emily continued, narrowing her eyes and pointing an accusing finger at Andy. "I've seen the way you look at her. You're eye-shagging her every time she turns her back."

"I'm not sure eye-shagging is a word," Nigel murmured. "Though it's an interesting concept."

"I am not!" Andy denied.

"Bollocks! It's a miracle she can't feel your eyes burning into her arse through those Bill Blass trousers. I feel like I should throw you a towel to wipe off the drool."

Andy opened and closed her mouth repeatedly. She'd no idea she'd been that obvious.

"Emily," Serena interceded, "Andy is your friend. You should not tease her this way."

Emily huffed, crossing her arms and frowning. "She's a right git. She should just tell Miranda and be done with it."

"Oh, like you're doing your fair share of the confessing," Andy shot back. "You've no right to be accusing me of something you're guilty of yourself." _Ha! That'll stop her, _Andy thought smugly.

Emily gave her a baleful glare. "Right then. So I'll tell Serena I'm arse over teakettle for her if you'll tell Miranda the same."

Andy and Nigel both burst out laughing, while Serena stared at Emily as if she'd never seen her before. Deciding it wouldn't hurt anything to get a bit of her own back, Andy started to egg Emily on.

"No way are you tricking me with that one, Em. You never look at Serena as anything but a friend. Not once have I seen you drooling over her as you put it."

Emily leaned forward, winced, and punched her med button once more. "I'm British. You'd never catch me," she said proudly. "Serena could be in this room right now, and she'd never know the difference."

Andy bit her lip to keep from laughing. It was clear Emily had forgotten all about Serena standing on the other side of the bed. _Ya gotta love pain meds._ Tie stuffed in his mouth to keep from braying with laughter, Nigel signed that he was going to get them all another round of coffee and left quickly. A loud burst of laughter sounded as soon as the door shut behind him.

"Keep talking, Em. Tell me why you love her," Andy goaded.

"Ruddy hell, have you seen her? She's bleeding gorgeous! Miles and miles of long, lovely legs-." Emily's eyes glazed as she seemed to move into her own private heaven. "And she's just so sweet, much nicer than me. And she likes kittens. I abhor kittens." Emily shuddered and seemed to snap back to the present. "Though I do like cats. It's a pity they aren't born adults. Either way they're much better than that elephant Miranda calls a dog. Which reminds me, have you shagged that, yet?"

"Emily!" Andy screeched. "Will you give the shagging a rest already?"

"Really, Andrea, you rest between shags. Have you learned nothing from me?"

"Oh, damn," Andy groaned, dropping her head to rest on the sheet at Emily's hip. She felt fingers moving through her hair.

"Why so glum, love? Miranda Priestly's a smart woman. She'd never pass up a young bit like you. Isn't that right, Miranda?"

Andy whimpered. The tingle that ran down her spine told her Emily wasn't teasing her. Miranda really was standing behind her.

"Right about what, Emily?"

The smooth tones wrapped around Andy's heart as she groaned softly. _Can this get any more embarrassing?_ Thankfully, she appeared only to have heard the very last sentence. Andy jerked upright and reached to cover Emily's mouth, but it was too late.

"That you'd shag Andrea if she told you she fancied you."

Andy glanced timidly at Miranda, who looked like she'd been poleaxed. She offered a weak smile and a shrug. "Pain meds talking."

"I see," Miranda replied with a decisive nod. She moved to take the chair Andy had quickly vacated. "So it would seem that we can't really hold Emily responsible for the things she's saying. Still, I would like to know what brought about this topic."

"Blimey," Emily stared at Miranda in amazement, "you can't mean you haven't noticed this one scurrying along after you with her tongue out like a bitch in heat? Miranda, love, I know you better than that. You can't not know."

"Emily, time to shut up now," Andy growled through clenched teeth.

"Shan't." Emily lifted her nose and pointedly ignored Andy. She directed her comments only to Miranda. "She's," she hooked her thumb at Andy, "supposed to tell you how she feels if I tell Serena the same."

The faintest hint of a smile tugged at the corner of Miranda's mouth. She truly seemed to be enjoying herself. "And have you told Serena?"

"Now how can I do that until she gets here?" Emily asked in amazement.

Andy looked over at Serena, noticing Miranda doing the same. Serena gave a small shrug and mouthed, "Meds," to them.

"Emily," Miranda said gently, resting one hand on Emily's which still held the handgrip. "Serena is sitting right over there." She pointed her out.

Emily's eyes moved from Miranda's face and along the length of her finger until they came to rest on Serena. "Hello, love! Come 'ere and give us a smooch."

"I—all right." Serena rose and pressed her lips to Emily's cheek.

"Sodding hell, she's pissed at me," Emily told Andy morosely. "Do you think I forgot her birthday or something?"

Andy ignored the soft choking noise that Miranda produced in favor of trying to keep Emily directed anywhere other than her feelings for her boss. "I dunno, Em. Anniversary maybe?"

"Bollocks, I'd never forget the first time I shagged that," Emily denied, jerking her thumb over her shoulder at Serena.

Andy practically chewed her bottom lip to keep from laughing while Miranda's choking became a pronounced cough and Serena's eyes grew to the size of saucers. _Oh, damn, Em, you're gonna hate yourself tomorrow._

"Okay, so not your anniversary," Andy managed to gasp out. She reached for the handgrip as she noticed Emily getting ready to push the button once again, only to have Emily whip it to the other side of the bed.

"Mine," Emily snarled. "Get your own happy button. Push on hers," she gestured to Miranda," if you've got to have someone's."

"Emily!" Andy screeched for the third time. "Get your mind off Miranda's buttons."

"You first," Emily snorted. "But I'm betting it's your hands and not your mind you want on her buttons." She leered at Andy and then abruptly turned to Miranda again. "Whatta ya say, Miranda? Willing to let Andy diddle your buttons?"

Andy grabbed the handgrip and began to punch the button frantically. "Go to sleep why don't you?"

Emily scoffed. "Stuff never makes me sleepy. Bit loopy but not sleepy."

"Emily, I think we've had quite enough conversation concerning buttons, don't you?" Miranda asked in that deceptively quiet voice that speared through even Emily's medication-induced fog.

"Right. Of course," Emily responded, blinking owlishly. "No more talking about Miranda's buttons. I've got it." She was quiet for a moment before looking at Miranda sheepishly. "Whose buttons should we discuss then?" A burst of laughter from Serena drew Emily's attention her way. "And how's your buttons, love?" Emily asked with a salacious grin.

"Safer than talking about Miranda's," Serena commented with a giggle. "You will be looking for a large rock to crawl under when you're better, Emily."

"Well, as long as you crawl under there with me," Emily replied, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. "Don't think I've forgotten that pitiful little kiss you gave me. I want a big one, right on the mouth."

"Perhaps when we don't have an audience," Serena demurred, glancing at Andy and Miranda.

"Right, I can fix that. Andy, lay one on Miranda so she won't notice Serena snogging me."

"Emily, you're gonna get me killed here," Andy cried.

"Never happen," Emily denied. "Give'er a snog."

"Emily, perhaps Andréa has no desire to kiss me," Miranda offered quietly.

"Here's your chance, Andy. You tell Miranda, and I'll tell Serena," Emily said, flashing a wicked grin.

"You already told Serena," Andy muttered.

"I did? Right, I did. Well, there you go then. You're a welcher," Emily accused. "I kept my side of the bargain. You'll have to do all my errands for a month, and take all the calls, and give me your lunch time, and, and…hang on, I'm thinking."

"Damn, all right! I like Miranda!" Andy shouted, just to head Emily off before Andy was doing both their jobs for the next month.

"Just like?" Emily hedged. "I can see your new Jimmy Choos moving from your closet to mine."

"I love her. Now will you please shut up!"

Now it was Miranda's turn to stare wide-eyed. Andy cringed and turned her head to meet Miranda's gaze for a moment before grabbing her bag and racing for the door.

"Feelbetter,Em,cyalaterbye," Andy called back as she swung the door open and disappeared through it.

Emily turned a smug gaze on Miranda who calmly drew her phone from her purse and placed a call.

"Hello, Roy? Yes, Andréa should be running out the front door momentarily. Detain her, please." She dropped the phone back in her purse and turned her attention to Emily. "Well, I am sorry you're ill, Emily, but I can't say I regret the outcome. Take as long as you need to rest. Serena, I'll trust you to take care of our friend." With a slight smile, she rose and left the room at her usual elegant pace.

Emily leaned back against the pillow and tucked one hand behind her head. "I thought that went well, didn't you?"

"Querida, I was confused when you offered to confess to me since we've been lovers for months now. I thought at first you were going to out us, though I suppose you actually did. You took a dangerous chance, Emily," Serena cautioned as she move to sit on the bed facing her lover.

"Pain meds are lovely things, darling. They let you say all the things you've been dying to say but can't without losing your job or your life. They were both beginning to drive me mad. One more longing glance, and I would have screamed. This way they'll both get over it one way or the other, and I can get some work done. Plus we're out to Miranda at last and in a way she can't find fault with," Emily finished triumphantly.

"You are masterfully devious," Serena complemented her. "I don't think Miranda could have done better herself. Now, about that kiss."


End file.
